Out of Education.

It's may.


The beginning of this month seems to culminate a period of time for me that has been more different than any other in my life. 


This last year, the one that never actually felt like it was going to materialize, has already ended. The year of transition, the year out of lifelong routine, out of education, and out of my comfort zone.


Sometimes I wonder why I feel so surprised with situations and emotional moments like people coming and going from work or school, life changes, drama, and my new nostalgia while looking at Berkeley graduation photos tonight. I am well aware of what's going on around me and what time of year it is. I stay tuned in. I can almost forecast how I am going to feel when each of these events will happen. So why do I still feel blindsided?


I think I choose to occasionally leave myself in the dark. To blank out all of the minutia. To gloss over the details. While this doesn't make me naive and oblivious, it instead, gives me the freedom to have the attitude and essential optimism I've come to defend myself with.


I defend myself with my attitude. I protect myself in allowing for change, failure, and risk. I accept the uncertain amount of time needed to figure out my next steps. I trust myself in knowing that things will work out the way they should. 


I allow myself to be blindsided because- sometimes- carrying the burden of every single detail and life change is just too much. Wrapping my mind around my Berkeley self, the life course I am foggy on taking, and the countless steps from point A to B is too tiresome and stressful.


Instead, I can deal with things as they ebb and flow.


I can choose to believe that my next steps will unveil themselves as time passes.


I can allow myself to be thrown into new projects and adventures, like my nutrition program and my blog, without over thinking the end result.


I can let myself be ok with where I am now.


It's a tough time to be a recent college grad. This way of being will, hopefully, allow me the peace of mind and the ability to be present in the moment that can be so rare for us twentysomethings these days.